Saturday, March 23, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
Hilarious Primary School Pupils' Compositions
1. A nephew of one of my friends was asked to make up a sentence with the word “brand new”. The sentence he made up was “ A brand new human vegetable is born”.
2. A classmate of mine and I hung out together cycling. The valve core of his bike acted up.So I replaced it with mine. We circled home cheerfully.
3. Dear military soldiers crawled wriggling like greenish worms
4.At the first time we were demanded to keep diary by our teacher, a girl from my class wrote down “My grandma was washing clothes. I thought she may be tired squatting. So I fetched a stool and knocked her down.”
5.When I was a schoolchild, one fashionable subject of compositions was helpful people and good deeds. Stumbling on money someone lost on a road always dominated our compositions. One of us, to exaggerate his merit, wrote he tumbled upon one hundred million yuan and every sheet of them was ten yuan. The whole bunch equaled a Chinese language textbook in thickness. Our Chinese language teacher spoke out his composition.
6. Our teacher requested all our compositions consisted of more than 200 characters. A classmate wrote “ Today, my mum asked me to shop for groceries. I asked the vendor how much half kilogram was. He answered that 5 cents. I said “So cheap, so cheap,so cheap ….” After counting the characters, it fell short of several characters. So he added several “so cheap” to the end.
7. A composition of one of my classmates read “Guo Qiang ( another classmate of mine) sat on his stool, part of his underpants sticking out of his trousers. His huge bottom resembled a pumpkin in earth”. Our teacher spoke out his composition acclaiming the vivid image in his composition. After class, he was beaten up by Guo Qiang
8. At a pitch dark night, tadpoles were busking in the sun.
9. Diaries:
The first day: I went to my mum’s working place today. What a fun I had today.
The second day: I went to my mum’s working place yesterday. What a fun I had yesterday.
The third day: I went to my mum’s working place the day before yesterday. What a fun I had the day before yesterday
10. Wild geese fly in the sky baaing; Round moon resembles a bow.
11. I went into a department store. What a dramatic improvement we have made in our lives. Look at that old peasant jogging with a refrigerator in his left hand and a TV in his right hand.
12. When I was in fifth grade, my teacher had certain demand of the amount of characters. So one of my diary read “ Today I played chess with my friend. I won the first round. He won the second round. I won the third round. …... What a funny day.
13.Our teacher asked us to write a composition being titled “My Desk mate”. One of my classmates wrote down “ My desk mate's hair was shiny black as if being licked by a cow. Even a fly may strain its wrist when falls on her hair.”
14.My teacher, to correct our homework, often faints in our classroom! Her spirit always inspires us!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
A Beauty's Traditional Chinese Wedding
At the first day of 2010, in a small mountain village, Shanxi province, with the sun shining on the Loess Plateau, a rustic marriage lured a large amount of shutterbugs within and without Shanxi province. People in Shanxi province, an ancient land and the origin of Chinese agriculture civilization, have created a splendid culture during thousands of years.
The bride was not allowed to see the stone mill and the stone roll of her family, so they were covered by red paper.
First Step. Wear the wedding makeup
The bride’s face was unhairing with a red string, which was called “open face” or “strand face”
After the process of unhairing, a boiled egg with its shell shed would be rolled on her face to make her skin more smooth and tender
Women in the village tend to hold a sheet of red paper within lips to color their lips instead of lipstick.
Second Step. Escort the bride to the groom’s home
Different villages choose different people to hold up the bride into the sedan. In this village, the bride’s big brother took the role for they believed this would make the life easier for the bride
The bride strode a brazier and a saddle in accordance with traditional wedding custom, suggesting that their life would be booming and safe.
The groom leaded the bride around a blazing bunch of hay, which was called “prosperous hay”, three times wishing the family would also be prosperous.
Third Step. Perform the formal wedding ceremony
After entering into the groom’s home, the groom and the bride were going to perform rituals of the traditional wedding ceremony, which was called “ bai tang” or “bai tian di”. Usually, an altar is set in front of the room for the newly-wed couple, on which are memorial tablets for the sky, earth, emperor, ancestors and teacher. The bride and the groom kneel three times with their heads touching the ground three times in each kneeling. The three kneeling are to the sky and earth, the ancestors, and the parents. Then the couple kneel to each other, the groom in the west and the bride in the east.
The bride served tea to her father-in-law saying auspicious words and received a red envelope containing money from her father-in-law. Then the bride did the same thing with her mother-in-law.
Fourth Step. Enter the room for the new couple
Original Post Link:http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1225926687
Monday, March 18, 2013
Price Your Girlfriend ---- How Much Does She Deserve
Base price is 1000
One positive 100 for every centimeter more than 168 centimeters in height
One negative 100 for every centimeter less than 160 centimeters in height
One positive 100 for dimples
One positive 150 for long hair
One positive 100 for dancing
One positive 100 for singing
One negative 200 for bizarre appearance
One negative 100 for A or B cup
One positive 200 for C or D cup
One negative 100 for every 5 kilograms more than 55 kilograms or less than 50 kilograms
One negative 100 for every diopter more than 3 diopters
One positive 100 for double eyelid
One positive 50 for single eyelid
One positive 100 for every time dumping others
One negative 100 for every time being dumped
One negative 100 for never involving in a relationship
One positive 300 for first kiss
One negative 200 for already losing her first kiss
One positive 500 for virginity
One negative 400 for already losing her virginity
One positive 300 for you being her first love
One negative 100 for every year older than 22
One negative 100 for every disease
One positive 100 for swimming
One positive 100 for not drinking alcohol
One negative 200 for addiction to alcohol
One positive 200 for good academic performance
One positive 100 for respecting the elder
One positive 100 for sewing
One positive 200 for not being ostentatious and not leaving you during your hard days
One negative 200 for addiction to cigarette
One negative 300 for cursing
One negative 100 for loving dyeing hair
One positive 100 for keeping pets
One positive 50 for cultivating flowers
One positive 100 for loving children
One positive 300 for cooking
One positive 100 for being courteous and virtuous
One negative 200 for immaturity and waywardness
One positive 100 for keeping telling you that she misses you
One positive 100 for telling you what she thinks
One positive 200 for keeping space with other men
One positive 100 for consideration and keeping you out of smoking, drinking
One positive 100 for not poking her nose into your lifestyle
One negative 200 for always keeping you accompanying her on shopping and spending your money
One positive 100 for giving you gifts made by herself
One positive 200 for concerning your study or work
One positive 100 for dressing up the way you like
One negative 200 for not doing housework
One negative 200 for scolding you in the face of your friends
One negative 100 for threatening to break up
One negative 200 for quarreling with you over trifles
One positive 100 for contacting you first despite that which one is wrong
One positive 100 for needing you to lure her into sleep
One positive 100 for phoning you everyday
One positive 100 for coquetry
One positive 200 for being obedient only to you
One positive 100 for crying for you
One negative 100 for making you cry
One positive 200 for independence
One positive 100 for not being wayward in front of your friends
One positive 100 for being good at makeup
One positive 100 for washing your clothes
One positive 100 for maturity
One negative 200 for seldom laugh when with you
One negative 200 for asking you to cut a class for her
One negative 100 for every F in examinations
One positive 100 for buying you things
One negative 200 for saying that you are ugly
One negative 200 for never take a photo in a photo booth
One negative 200 for flirting with other men
Never marry those under 1800
those fall in 2000-2800 are normal
those fall in 2800-3500 are excellent
those fall in beyond 3500 you need to marry then as soon as possible
Sunday, March 17, 2013
How To Price Your Boyfriend ---- Never Marry Those Under 1500
The base price is 1000.
One positive 100 for every centimeter high than 170 centimeters.
One negative 100 for every centimeter lower than 170 centimeters.( The height standard is based on Chinese male’s height.)
One positive 100 for the ability of dance
One positive 100 for the ability of sing
One negative 100 for every 5 kilograms more than 70 kilograms or less than 60 kilograms.
One negative 100 for every 1 diopter larger than 3 diopters
One positive 100 for every time dumping a girl.
One negative 100 for every time being dumped.
One positive 100 for never involving in a relationship.
One negative 100 for every year older than 25.
One negative 100 for every disease.
One positive 100 for not drinking alcohol.
One negative 200 for addiction to alcohol.
One negative 200 for smoking.
One positive 100 for keeping a pet
One positive 50 for loving pets
One positive 300 for cooking
One positive 100 for humor
One positive 100 for accompanying you on shopping
One negative 200 for immaturity and willfulness
One positive 100 for keeping telling you that he misses you
One positive 100 for taking you to his classmate reunions
One positive 100 for consideration and keeping you out of smoking or drinking
One positive 100 for not poking his nose into your lifestyle
One positive 100 for tricking out himself in the way you like
One negative 200 for knowing not how to wash clothes
One negative 200 for frequent quarrels
One positive 100 for talking to you first after quarrels despite that which one is wrong
One positive 100 for luring you into sleep everyday
One positive 100 for obedience or positive 200 for being obedient only to you
One positive 100 for cring for you
One negative 100 for always making you cry
One positive 200 for buying everything you want
One positive 100 for never making your embarrass in the presence of your friends
One positive 100 for being romantic
One positive 100 for washing your clothes
One positive 100 for maturity.
One negative 200 for rare laugh when with you
One positive 100 for giving you gifts made by himself
One negative 200 for saying you ugly
One negative 200 for never taking photos in a photo booth
One positive 200 for buckling your shoes
Never marry those under 1500
1500 -- 2500 is fine
2500 -- 3500 is excellent
Over 3500 is the one you should marry at once
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